I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize