She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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