So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
