Where are you?
In a non slutty way
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
