new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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