I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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