Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
