I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
