Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
