I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
