Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize