Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
