You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
