they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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