return my video game
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
