Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
