Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
