he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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