she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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