For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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