So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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