I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
