You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
