Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
