Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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