i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
