mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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