I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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