Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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