All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
