I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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