I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
