i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
