I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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