just come out here and I will go home with you...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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