Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
