some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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