Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
