i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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