Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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