I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
