I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
