Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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