i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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