So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
