Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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