Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
