We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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