She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
