I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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