I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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