so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
