Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize