Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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