I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she peed on how many people?
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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