you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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