My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
