Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
