i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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