the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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