well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
nutella sex= disaster
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
