so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
there is glitter all over my balls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
