She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
