I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
