Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
