the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
