I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
