We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
