We need to rekindle our bromance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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