can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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