the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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