You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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