In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
