my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
