I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
