winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
