People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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