So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
