My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize