I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
