I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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