Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
