my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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