They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
