I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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