I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
