I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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