Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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