This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
