I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize